Month: September 2020

Childrens Melatonin

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1 milligram!

I found this at my nearby Walgreens, and I was unbelievably thrilled! Children’s melatonin!

“Now, wait,” you’re saying. “That doesn’t sound like the Ellis I’ve been reading.” (And if you’ve ever heard even a small piece of my “Bad Pharma” rant, you’re especially confused.)

The reason I’m excited is NOT because I think we should be giving kids melatonin. I pretty frankly don’t think we should, at least unless all the other behavioral/psychological/family issues have been worked out and the problem is still there. Unsurprisingly, I’ve never had a family committed enough to go through that process.

Also, it doesn’t do very much, in children or adults. Here’s a meta-analysis for you – increases sleep time by 8 minutes. (It might work better in older adults?) 

I AM excited, though, because there’s an easy-to-access 1mg dosage that adults can choose. I consistently have clients asking me about using melatonin. Of course, the first thing they get is a talk about sleep hygiene and a sleep hygiene info sheet! But, if they insist that they’re going to use it, they get a secondary talk about how the typical 3mg and 5mg dosing wildly, outrageously increases the amount of melatonin in your system (I mean 50x and more!). And when we flood our bodies with something that our bodies already make, our bodies quit making it. (This is how hormonal birth control typically works, btw. And it’s why testicles shrink when men are given supplemental testosterone.) Do clients with sleep problems want to shut down their bodies’ own melatonin production?? I doubt it.

Get this – I put “melatonin supplement” in Amazon and the first option was TEN MILLIGRAMS! I’m so pleased to at least have a less insane option to point clients toward.

You may want to read the National Sleep Foundation’s article about sleep and melatonin, as well.

Comment below with sleep tips, or general pharma rants. There will be more posts to come in this area, of course!

 

 

 

 

Great Books Volume 3: Divergent Classics

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Great Books Volume 3: Divergent Classics

Here’s a list of books that are well worth reading, written by fathers/mothers in the field, but that are a bit more specific (not quite so much emphasis on “how therapy works as a whole”). These tend to be a bit newer, and a bit shorter, if that has been something that’s kept you from reading along so far! You’ll see some of our favorite authors return on this list, as well…

 

  • Man’s Search for Meaning (Viktor Frankl)
    • Short and incredibly powerful. More personally beneficial than clinically useful, which is why Doctor and the Soul made the first list
  • Love is Never Enough (Aaron Beck)
    • Although this is about working with couples, it’s a good cognitive therapy text without having to read Cognitive Therapy for Depression (although that’s a good one, too). Prisoners of Hate is also awesome!
  • Sex Without Guilt (Albert Ellis)
    • Sure, there are plenty of resources to learn REBT, but why read them when you can learn it while listening to Ellis pontificate about sex five decades ago?! (There’s also an updated version which is shockingly similar to the first edition!)
  • Let Your Body Interpret Your Dreams (Eugene Gendlin)
    • Hands down, the best dream interpretation book I’ve ever read, and it also really exemplifies the down-to-the-ground humanistic, phenomenologically-oriented theory of therapy
  • Emotional Awareness (Dalai Lama and Paul Ekman)
    • A brilliant, easy-to-read dialogue that covers the basics of universal emotional experience and gives insight into the real Buddhist tradition that the West has marred
  • Behind the One Way Mirror (Cloe Madanes)
    • If you were interested in Jay Haley’s Strategies of Psychotherapy, you’ll like this case-study rich exploration of strategic family therapy
  • The Family Crucible (Carl Whitaker and Augustus Napier)
    • This would be a treatise on systems-oriented family therapy if it were a huge, boring tome. Instead it’s a lively narrative that follows one family’s journey. You may end up with more questions than answers, but that’s ok!
  • Waking The Tiger (Peter Levine)
    • The book that effectively birthed Somatic Experiencing and other body-focused trauma therapies. This is readable on a client level, but still has a good science background. May change the way you see the whole mind-body connection, not just with trauma.
  • Flow (Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi)
    • Really useful for those clients who needs more of a coaching or consultation style, or who have any kind of performance concern (professional, athletic, even relational). Very clear concept, well elaborated, easy to incorporate into your own life and into therapy
  • Gifts Differing (Isabel Briggs-Myers)
    • Great secondary text on Jung’s personality theory and great primary text on MBTI. So much more depth than what you learned in your assessment class, and it’ll give you useful constructs to work with, even if you don’t care for the actual instrument.
  • The Schopenhauer Cure (Irvin Yalom)
    • Existential classic in a very readable narrative form. Also, lots of good stuff about group therapy, all demonstrated rather than explained.
  • On Encounter Groups (Carl Rogers)
    • THE book on process groups. It’s brief and, if you’re a highlighter, prepare for more yellow than white – it’s so rich!

 

I really don’t mean to fill your bookshelves and/or drain your wallet. It’s just that they’re all SO GOOD. Comment below if you’ve read one of these and you want to recommend it for people to begin first! 

 

 

 

 

Explore Colonize Conquer

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Explore, Colonize, Conquer

First, thank you to my clients (M&K) who gave birth to this metaphor with me. It has been so powerful, and not just in your lives.

…

When you meet another person, you aren’t just meeting another person. You’re meeting another person and all of their territory. By “territory,” I mean all of their thoughts, feelings, and neurophysiological responses that are based in the totality of their history and experiences. All of these are fundamentally different from your territory and fundamentally unknowable without that person’s willing guidance.

There are three ways to approach a new territory.

  • As a conqueror.
    • A conqueror knows what’s right and best. They force or coerce to get their own way. They take over – abolishing what was in favor of what they want. They destroy and replace. They wage war – loudly and quietly.
    • You can tell a conqueror by their actions and their language. They are forceful, uncompromising. They listen poorly (distorting) or not at all. They say things like, “yes, but…” and “But I…”
    • Everyone is a conqueror sometimes, whether you wish to think it about yourself or not. So, drop the pride and take stock. Pay attention to yourself. It’s more subtle than you think and it’s sinister. It feels right when you’re doing it. It feels…righteous. Don’t be what you don’t want to be.
  • As a colonizer.
    • A colonizer is pleased with their own way. They know they can bring good things to the new situation. Manners, refinement, worthy (if different) traditions. Changes…but only good changes (or so they protest)!
    • You can tell a colonizer by their actions and their language. They seem accommodating at first, and then you’re surprised when you’ve acquiesced. They listen, but artfully dismiss. They say things like, “I think we should…” and “how about we…”
    • Everyone is a colonizer sometimes, whether you wish to think it about yourself or not. (Oh! Therapists are SO guilty of this, so often!) So, drop the pride and take stock. Pay attention to yourself. It’s much, much more subtle than conquering. It’s (ostensibly) gentler. It feels more right. Don’t be what you don’t want to be.
  • As an explorer.
    • An explorer wants only to be exposed and educated. They do not have pre-formed opinions. They are completely open, and prepared to handle surprises gently and with curiosity and grace. They simply want to know more, hear more, understand more fully and accurately. They have no desire to change what is.
    • You can also tell an explorer by their actions and words. They make space for what is new. They ask honest questions to clarify what is new or unclear. They go slowly, without encroaching. They listen.
    • As therapists, we hope to be explorers. In relationships (romantic, familial, etc.), exploring is crucial. But it takes a lot of work, and self-management…it’s not anyone’s natural instinct.

 

In theory, you and this other person want (to some extent, at least!) to merge your borders and create “our land.” The ONLY healthy way to do this is as explorers first, then settlers – cultivating the shared land together, harmoniously.

 

 

Comment with thoughts on expanding this metaphor, or your own couples’ metaphor!