The Sphere of Whelm
WHELM.
Why don’t use this word? We say “overwhelm” and “underwhelm.” Why do we never say whelm?? Probably because it’s sort of useless, as the word “whelm” technically is a synonym for overwhelm, meaning “to be submerged by.”
::rolling my eyes::
I RECLAIM this now useless word for special therapeutic purposes, and like many psychological terms, will give it my own definition. I like clients to conceptualize “whelm” as just the amount that I can handle right now or saturated but not spilling over. I think of it in a similar way to being in one’s “Flow zone,” but rather than engagement or skills development, I mean it to pertain to emotion regulation.
We all definitely know that too much stress, too big of emotions, or too much going on can lead clients to feel overwhelmed; we see them all the time. Less often (though sometimes), we see underwhelmed clients – the disillusioned nihilist, or anyone with existential ennui. And sometimes we see clients who are so numbed or checked out that they seem underwhelmed, when really they’re just shut down because of overwhelm.
Let me suggest that we can change our level of over/underwhelm by modifying the space and time we are attending to. When clients are overwhelmed, they’ve often cast their attention out too far – too far into the future or encompassing too much “distance” (which usually means too many people). No one can handle the anxiety of a nation during a pandemic. No one can handle the regret of their whole mountain of history all at once. No one can handle the existential threat to their children for a lifetime.
When life is too much, when we are in grief, rage, or terror – we sometimes do this naturally – bring in our spheres to just our families or ourselves, to just “getting through today” or “just what I need to do next.” We invite clients to mindfully shrink their fears when we teach them mindfulness – just what you are aware of in exactly this moment, just in your body. And sometimes clients need more – think Adler and social connectedness – sometimes depression or anxiety are presenting because we are underwhelmed. over-focused on our own troubles or discomfort, and need to widen our spheres to include other people, or a longer time perspective.
One of my favorite ways to do this with clients is as part of a guided imagery. Creating a sort of bubble that they practice shrinking and expanding until the bubble is just encompassing their heart or encompassing the whole city, and doing that safely with me.
How do you like to? I know you you already help clients do this – you just didn’t use this fancy name. What kinds of techniques do you use to help them manage their spheres? Comment below.