Lessons from my kids books Vol 1: Percy Jackson


Lessons From My Kids’ Books Vol. 1: Percy Jackson


Lessons are EVERYWHERE, if we’re attuned to them. I just finished reading the five books in the Percy Jackson and the Olympians series by Rick Riordan. (I know this is super nerdy, but I’m always reading at least 3 books – a foundational psyc book, a book that might be useful to clients, and an easy-read book for the 2-3 minute breaks in life. Sometimes, I use that time to read the books my kids are reading, so we can engage around them. I like to have at least some of the same stories in our heads, Side note: This is a reason that reading the same books or watching the same movies as your partner can be really cool, even if they’re not what you would choose for yourself!) 

So, I’m assuming this will end up having multiple volumes. 

Ok, so these are books about teenagers who are demigods (in the Greek system) with lots of heroism and action, slight romance, and enough actually accurate mythology to make it totally worth reading. (I felt the need to write a tiny review there. I’m not completely aware of why.) 

So, here’s the lesson. Main character is chatting with Athena, goddess of wisdom, who says, “The most dangerous flaws are those which are good in moderation.” 

In this particular case, she’s speaking about the hero’s personal loyalty to friends. A virtue, of course! Unless it overtakes all other virtues. 

This is a way I often talk to clients, but especially couples. The areas in which couples are different so often become points of contention rather than celebration, and one important part of couples work is helping them to recognize and appreciate their partners’ differences.  

The flipside is that any strength can become a weakness when it gets taken to the extreme. Helping clients realize when they will benefit more from pulling back on an area of strength to keep it from becoming a weakness is just as important. We call it “falling off the cliff.” 

Examples:

  • assertiveness is great, until it alienates everyone
  • quiet acceptance is great, until it leads to resentment
  • putting your partner’s needs ahead of your own is great, until you lose your whole self or collapse from exhaustion
  • prioritizing your own needs is great, until no one can count on you
  • staying home is great, until you don’t have any friends left
  • going out is great, until you have no beer money left

Haha! See where I’m going with this? 

 

Comment below: Virtues in balance. How has that come up with your clients? 

 

 

 

Psychodiversity


Psychodiversity 


Welcome to the 4th Reversal Theory blog! In this “episode,” I hope to tie all of these concepts together for you in a way that will show how Reversal Theory can be a great addition to your therapeutic repertoire – in terms of conceptualization and even treatment planning!

Popular in both the professional and lay communities is the idea that mental stability equates to mental health. However, Reversal Theory posits precisely the opposite, that people are healthiest when they exhibit the fluidity to be able to experience satisfaction in all eight states at appropriate times. As Apter (2007) says, “The reversal theory view is that a certain kind of instability is essential for a full and happy life: one should be able to pursue the satisfactions of serious achievement, but also at other times the more frivolous joys of play; one should be able to feel the warm agreeableness of bring a ‘good citizen,’ but also from time to time the keen pleasures of defiance and independence; one should be able to experience the pride of personal strength as well as, on other occasions, the comforts of modest humility” (p.187). This ability to experience all of the states and their attendant satisfactions is known as psychodiversity. Combined with an adequate frustration tolerance, a functioning internal measure of satiation, and the ability to respond effectively to situational factors, including other people, psychodiversity defines what it means to be healthy – to be able to work, love, and play effectively.

Let me give a few examples of how the concept of psychodiversity plays out in therapy…

  • Have you ever used Lazarus’ multi-modal therapy model as a way of identifying different areas of life that need to be treated for a holistic approached? What about the pie chart with physicals health, social health, spiritual health, emotional health, etc?
  • How often do clients come in complaining of being “stuck”? They often need help to get the satisfactions from a state they don’t have much practice in, or in learning how to switch states to fit their situations. 
  • All those different presentations of depression that the DSM5 can’t quite seem to cover? When the main characteristic is low self-worth, consider an autic-mastery kind of depression, where the client isn’t able to acheive the satisfaction of that state, but is in it often. When the main characteristic is boredom consider a paratelic-depression. Lack of motivation? Telic depression. Loneliness? Self-sympathy depression. Alienation? Conforming depression. This gives us a way not only to help clients learn how to derive the satisfaction from a state they’re stuck in, but also to focus more on and gain more value from switching to other states, too. 
  • Anxiety is a classic telic-disorder. The focus on danger, on the importance of success (or of not-failing), the future-orientation… And we often try to manage it in a telic way only (reducing anxiety) rather than also using the tool of switching to the paratelic state. 
  • What are the personality disorders but various combination of autic stuckness? 

I’ll do another blog post in the near future about some specific RT-based techniques and tweaks-to-techniques that I have found really helpful. In the meantime…

 

Comment below: Now that you know plenty about RT to start posing really interesting questions to yourself… how could you see this working in therapy? 

 

 

 

 

Eight Competing Values


Eight Competing Values


This is the second installment of the Reversal Theory series. If you haven’t read the first one, check it out here. Enjoy!

OK, so we left off with the 4 pairs of states – serious/playful (also called telic/paratelic), conforming/rebellious, mastery/sympathy, and self/other (also called autic/alloic). 

Each state has a core motivational value, a range of emotions, and certain actions typically associated with it. The core value in the serious (or telic) state is achievement. When one is in the telic state and this value is being satisfied by reaching or making progress towards one’s goals, positive emotions emerge such as relief that a goal has been met or a sense of accomplishment. When this value is frustrated by a lack of progress, more negative feelings like anxiety or a sense of being overwhelmed are often present. Actions that are common to the telic state are planning, assessing risks, thinking strategically, and working diligently. Some common examples of being in the telic state might be working feverishly on a project to make a deadline, studying for an upcoming exam, or decorating the house to make it presentable for the imminent arrival of one’s in-laws.

The core value in the paratelic state is enjoyment. When one is in the paratelic state and taking pleasure in his/her current activity, excitement, fascination, and interest are common feelings. When pleasure in the current activity is thwarted, however, feelings of boredom or restlessness often emerge. Common contributions made in the paratelic state are enthusiasm, openness to new experiences, spontaneity, and creativity. Examples of being in the paratelic state include walking leisurely enjoying a sunset, working on an interesting puzzle in one’s free time, or luxuriating in the evening meal. It is important to note that it is not the activity that determines one’s state, however. One can be walking “leisurely” at sunset in order to attain the goal of pleasing their partner, or be frustrated at the leisurely pace because he/she is focused on getting home to work on a project. Likewise, in the previous example, decorating the house may be so enjoyable that the arrival of one’s in-laws may slip into the back of one’s mind.

The core motivational value of the conformist state is fitting in. This can also be expressed as the desire to do the right thing at the right time, or to do what is typically done. In the conformist state, it is a pleasant experience when one conforms and an unpleasant experience when one is not conforming. Pleasant emotions that may be experienced in the conformist state are a sense of belonging and comfort that one is doing right; unpleasant emotions may include embarrassment from not conforming or guilt from not meeting expectations. Further, actions consistent with the conforming state might be following procedures, adhering to ethics, and acting predictably. Examples of being in the conformist state may be taking pleasure in a game precisely because the rules are being followed, feeling satisfied that you “belong” in a group of coworkers, or enjoying the ceremony that marks a traditional wedding, graduation, or spiritual ritual.

In contrast, the core value of the negativistic or rebellious state is freedom. In the rebellious state, pleasure is derived by acting in way that one perceives is in opposition to external pressures or rules. Pleasant emotions experienced in the rebellious state can include independence and personal freedom, whereas unpleasant emotions may include frustration or anger at our restrictions or perceived unfairness. Actions consistent with the negativistic state may be challenging authority, behaving critically, or showing a desire for change. The rebellious state may be manifested as defiance or (despite its name) mischievousness or simply unconventionality. Enthusiastically protesting against current legislation, purposefully acting out in a residential group home, or even “thinking outside the box” at a business meeting could be examples of being in the negativistic state. Note that the same behavior may be performed in different states, based on different motivations; smoking with school friends could be enjoyed because it is not allowed, or it could be enjoyed because it allows one to fit in with the crowd.

The primary values in the mastery state are control and power. In a social interaction, this might mean desiring to have the upper hand; in a competition, this might mean being focused on winning. One could be in the mastery state with a pet, when training it; one could be in the mastery state with a piece of machinery or sports equipment, when learning to operate it. Positive emotions felt in the mastery state include pride and accomplishment and negative emotions typically center on humiliation or disappointment. In the mastery state, positive qualities that may be displayed are confidence, determination, and leadership.

The primary values in the sympathy state are caring and affection. Most often, the sympathy state has to do with people or living things. One could be in the sympathy state with a colleague when listening to their troubles or with a partner while sharing a casual Saturday afternoon picnic. One could certainly be sympathetic with a pet, lavishing it with attention. In the sympathy state, positive feelings typically include loving and feeling loved; bad feelings are those that go along with feeling unloved, such as rejection. In the sympathy state, positive attributes that one may display center around cooperation, emotional support, sensitivity, and relationship.

In the autic state, one’s primary concern is for oneself, including taking responsibility for one’s actions as well as taking care to get one’s needs and desires met. Working out at the gym to see to one’s health (self-mastery) or asking a loved one to run an errand on one’s behalf (self-sympathy) are examples of being in the autic state.  The core motivational value in the autic state is individualism, or doing the best one can for oneself. Satisfaction at doing something well or appreciation of self may be good feelings experienced in the autic state; negative feelings such as resentment or loneliness may result if one remains in the autic state too long and thus becomes isolated from others. Common actions in the autic state include attention seeking, performing to the best of one’s ability, setting and meeting personal goals, and keeping a balance between work and personal life.

In the alloic state, one’s concern is for meeting the needs or desires of others. When one tidies up the house because their partner prefers it that way, this is an example of the alloic state (other-sympathy). So is helping or coaching someone else for their growth or improvement (other-mastery). The “other” in the alloic state may be an actual other, such as a friend or child. However, the “other” may also be a group or team to which one belongs, in which case it is referred to as the extended self. The other may also be someone or a group that one identifies with, such as a hero in a movie or a favorite sports team; in this case, the other is known as the surrogate self. The basic motive in the alloic state is collectivism, caring for others or for a group more than the self as an individual. Good feelings that come from helping others or seeing others succeed are a part of the alloic state, as are the bad feelings that come from letting others down or seeing others hurting. Frequently, being a good teammate, helping, encouraging, mentoring, and giving are behaviors the alloic state might produce.

 

 

OK, good! In the next “episode,” we’ll discuss how we shift between these different states!